Suler

I found the Suler readings for this week very interesting. I was especially intrigued by the section on transference among people on the internet. My favorite quote is: "Because the experience of the other person often is limited to text, there is a tendency for the user to project a variety of wishes, fantasies, and fears onto the ambiguous figure at the other end of cyberspace. The "blending" of one's mind with the other, as some users describe the experience of relating in cyberspace, may reflect this transference process."
I think in the case of Alexis and Craig, Alexis may have transferred all the qualities she wanted in a man onto Craig without real evidence that he embodied them. As soon as Alexis saw that Craig's profile was not like the other guys she'd viewed she automatically assumed that HE wouldn't be like the other guys she'd encountered. She had already determined in her mind that he must be a loyal, honest, trustworthy guy based on the declarations of love and commitment to his girlfriend on his profile. As their relationship progressed she continued to view not only him, but also his girlfriend through tainted lenses. Suddenly the girl he was so in love with became this hideous, ungrateful creature. This allowed Alexis to feel entitled to have romantic feelings for Craig and believe she would be a better fit for him. During this time, she even absolved Craig of any guilt by stating that he was an ever loyal and dutiful boyfriend that was being taken advantage of. This made him the victim of his girlfriend and thus not responsible for contributing to the demise of his relationship.
I'm very interested in finding out what happened with this relationship. I also wonder how common it is for people to get caught up this way on the internet. It's easy for most of us to see that the start of this relationship was less than stellar, but is it simply because it was an online relationship? Do we not transfer our feelings and expectations onto others in RL? Are we not guilty of projecting our own morals, ideas, and values onto others? Alexis admitted to feeling lonely and isolated before she met Craig, so she was in a prime state to be a captive of her own imagination. Her vulnerability allowed her to create this perfect man and a perfect relationship.

"This unconscious "homing" device can be very sensitive. Even when communicating only via text and in cumbersome or distracting online environments, we nevertheless zoom in on relationships that touch some hidden need within us. " ~Suler