How "social" are social networks?

I'm the type of person who can get along with just about anybody. Even if I don't necessarily like someone, I can be cordial and speak with them in a respectful manner. I realize that you can not always choose the people you interact with in RL, such as bosses, professors, or even a cashier at the local supermarket. All of this changes online. You can pick and choose who can see your profile, who to "friend" and who to interact with. You can become the master of your own universe and allow only those worthy of your affections to gain entrance. This can be a very good thing, because some people become more open once they have established their preferred level of privacy online. It can also serve to make people more isolated and withdrawn, focusing more attention on their online persona than their RL personality.
While some people can boast hundreds of thousands of friends, others, like myself, have too few friends for a "top 8". I do not use my social network of choice, myspace, to do much socializing. I tend to use it more as a place to update those who I spend less time with in RL on current events. I have friends who I haven't seen in years that only get a glimpse of me when I update my photo albums. While there are people who search for groups to join or become a part of blog circles, others choose to only communicate with people they have already established RL connections to.
Some people also use social networks for self promotion. I have a friend who joined myspace to showcase his music production abilities. Within days he had several hundred hits and a couple of months later had requests for beats and gigs lined up all over the region. He used this networking tool to share his music as well as secure supplemental income. He met a great deal of people from the site in RL and got connections in the music business. He also joined a psychic network and does tarot readings thanks to a fan who also frequents the site. His use of myspace helped him to have a much broader audience for his craft, develop a newfound talent, and earn more than $1500 in supplemental income each month.

Love Online: Emotions on the Internet

I found a short article that discusses the book Love Online: Emotions on the Internet by Aaron Ben-Ze'ev. The author, Lori Kendall criticizes Ben-Ze'ev's views of online relationships, especially those related to cybersex. In his book, Ben-Ze'ev discusses the use of online relationships to enhance offline romantic relationships. In the following quote he justifies having cybersex with strangers while in a committed relationship with an offline partner: "I believe that engaging in cybersex with the awareness of the offline partner is a revolutionary step in the search for greater romantic flexibility"
I couldn't disagree more with the idea that engaging in cybersex will improve a committed relationship, especially a marriage. As we have discussed over the last few weeks, people can become emotionally attached while engaging in online relationships. For some people, cybersex may be the only sex the are engaging in, so they may place a higher significance on the act. This leaves room for a very sticky situation. For the committed partner, having relations with someone other than their spouse or partner may cause them to have emotional ties that threaten their current relationship.
I have not read Ben-Ze'ev's book, and I'm not sure I want to, but I think he is unrealistic in his assessments about reconciling online and offline relationships. It may seem like a harmless fantasy to one person, but since there is another person on the other end, they may not have the same expectations of the relationship. Also, the person's partner may eventually feel threatened by the use of online relationships and cybersex to create "greater romantic flexibility".
I have two questions: Does anyone think having a cyber relationship outside of a committed relationship is healthy? If both partners develop online relationships with others, why stay in the current relationship?


http://ezproxy.lib.lehigh.edu/login?url=http://proquest.umi.com.ezproxy.lib.lehigh.edu/pqdweb?did=791690731&sid=3&Fmt=3&clientId=8243&RQT=309&VName=PQD

Suler

I found the Suler readings for this week very interesting. I was especially intrigued by the section on transference among people on the internet. My favorite quote is: "Because the experience of the other person often is limited to text, there is a tendency for the user to project a variety of wishes, fantasies, and fears onto the ambiguous figure at the other end of cyberspace. The "blending" of one's mind with the other, as some users describe the experience of relating in cyberspace, may reflect this transference process."
I think in the case of Alexis and Craig, Alexis may have transferred all the qualities she wanted in a man onto Craig without real evidence that he embodied them. As soon as Alexis saw that Craig's profile was not like the other guys she'd viewed she automatically assumed that HE wouldn't be like the other guys she'd encountered. She had already determined in her mind that he must be a loyal, honest, trustworthy guy based on the declarations of love and commitment to his girlfriend on his profile. As their relationship progressed she continued to view not only him, but also his girlfriend through tainted lenses. Suddenly the girl he was so in love with became this hideous, ungrateful creature. This allowed Alexis to feel entitled to have romantic feelings for Craig and believe she would be a better fit for him. During this time, she even absolved Craig of any guilt by stating that he was an ever loyal and dutiful boyfriend that was being taken advantage of. This made him the victim of his girlfriend and thus not responsible for contributing to the demise of his relationship.
I'm very interested in finding out what happened with this relationship. I also wonder how common it is for people to get caught up this way on the internet. It's easy for most of us to see that the start of this relationship was less than stellar, but is it simply because it was an online relationship? Do we not transfer our feelings and expectations onto others in RL? Are we not guilty of projecting our own morals, ideas, and values onto others? Alexis admitted to feeling lonely and isolated before she met Craig, so she was in a prime state to be a captive of her own imagination. Her vulnerability allowed her to create this perfect man and a perfect relationship.

"This unconscious "homing" device can be very sensitive. Even when communicating only via text and in cumbersome or distracting online environments, we nevertheless zoom in on relationships that touch some hidden need within us. " ~Suler

MTV True Life: 'I Live Another Life On The Web'

How strange that this True Life would be on today! I haven't gotten to watch the whole thing yet, but what I've seen so far is very interesting. It addresses how the online persona can contrast greatly from the offline persona as Suler discusses. In one scene Amy, a girl who spends a great deal of time on Second Life decides to perform in RL. She writes songs and plays guitar and regularly has concerts on Second life, but has thus far been unable to get on a real stage. When she finally gets on stage, she is easily distracted because people do not sit quietly as avatars do on SL. She even goes so far as to say that she'll probably never perform in RL again because you can not put people on mute. I found this curious because most performers feed off of the energy of the crowd, but she would prefer people to sit soundless and motionless while she sings. She finally decided to continue performing live and even enlisted the help of a SL performer who also performs live.
The concept of friends from RL and those from VL is also addressed here. Maleri is a girl who cannot find a boyfriend in RL because she's afraid to talk to guys, but she has online relationships with several guys. When one of her real life friends finds out that she exposes herself online, it causes Malori to rethink her behavior. In this case her offline friend helped her regulate her online behavior and gave a reality check. Amy's friend from SL also became a source of inspiration in RL, so their friendship was able to transcend the restrictions of SL.

http://www.mtv.com/overdrive/?id=1586148&vid=236311

Consequences

After rereading the case about Lori Drew, I'm convinced that many people either don't care or don't think about the consequences of their online interactions. In the case of Megan Meier, someone's careless words contributed to the death of a young girl. In other instances online interaction has contributed to the corruption of children and the destruction of relationships.
I'm sure the husband who began chatting with some random woman on the internet doesn't think that typed characters could lead to the end of his marriage, but it could. I think that words read on computer screens can have just as much if not more significance than those spoken in person or on the phone. Since the reader must interpret the level of emotion behind the words there's a chance that more and not less emphasis can be placed on the exchange. Therefore the significance is in the mind of the reader. Someone other than Megan may have interpreted the words "the world would be a better place without you" as a joke or sarcasm and dismissed it. It was Megan's state of mind that allowed the message to resonate so loudly.
More on this later...